Young Boys in America: Oversensitive and Underworked

                  Parents can no longer count on school for the emotional development of their sons. In a foam covered world of lollipop dreams and chocolate streams where no one skins a knee our young boys are being over-sensitized and under-challenged. I see it every day in my young male students. They come to me clinging on their mothers leg so tightly we have to have some of them surgically removed. It’s a simple procedure. One day surgery…in and out but not covered by most insurance since I’m not a licensed or trained surgeon.

                    Here are a few tips for Parents to help Toughen Up their sons. This also works for daughters and most pets.

1. “Pick me up” and “Carry me” are out after 2 1/2 years of age. When you take your first step…get used to it and keep on walking. I see so many parents holding 3 and 4 year olds simply because they want to be picked up. The answer is no. If you whine or complain you will be punished. An average 3 or 4 year old is heavy and there is no reason for them to be held like a baby while your back slowly disintegrates and you see the signs of osteoporosis in your early thirties. 

2. No means no. Get used to it.

3. Go outside and play. The backyard, the front yard, a neighbors yard, a school yard, Scotland Yard, etc. 

4. No baby voices anymore. There is nothing more annoying than a six year old boy who uses baby voices or high shrilling squeals that have every dog in the neighborhood humping a pillow or hiding under a bed. Use your big boy voice now.

5. Allow your sons to enjoy the following experiences that every young boy should know…skimming rocks in a lake…riding a go-cart…climb a ladder…swim in the deep end…roll down a hill…sleigh riding…run with the bulls in Spain…have a dog (no, cats don’t count)…learn a cool instrument( no, clarinet doesn’t count)…hold a dead bird…shoot a BB rifle (no, that’s not how the bird died. It was just on the ground when we got there. Really)…hiking( no, not carrying him hiking)…build something…drop chocolate covered cherries off a roof in NYC…get dirty…walk in the rain…have chores (real chores, struggle builds character, do you want him living in your basement when he is 40 while you still cut the crust off his bread?)…take martial arts classes…have a pocket knife( no, that’s not how the bird died either. It was like that when we got there. I swear.)…save your own money for the toy you want…and lastly, rough it up like a boy should.

The Simple Solution: I’m Just a Bill

                      There is no good news on the television. The radio is all bad and newspapers are unfit for reading or wrapping fish. People are getting more desperate for solutions as bureaucrats look for someone to blame followed by  a first class public hanging. There is talk of a global recession that will negatively affect corporate earnings and lead to massive job losses. I’d say it’s a good thing its just talk or everyone would panic and fulfill the media’s prophecy of doom and gloom but that ship of fools has already left the crazy peer.

                  It seems that most of the media is more concerned in inciting bad news than they are at reporting actual news in an unbiased fashion. Many of the problems facing this country today can be traced back to speculative reporting based on soft information from ”unnamed” sources creatively edited to make a newscast look like an MTV video. I miss the good old days before color TV when my TV was in black and white and so were the facts on the news. The newscasters weren’t playing for the camera and sucking up for Emmys, they were reporting the facts. Today the news has become more entertainment than factual reporting.

                  It is so blatantly obvious that most of the media is backing Obama when they attack McCain and Palin like rabid dog packs at every opportunity that I find it necessary to peel back the skin on this one and expose the culprits. Why does the media care so much about who is our next President? There will always be news to report no matter who wins the election, right? So why the push? If you listen to conservative talk show hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, or Sean Hannity it is because the liberal media wants to divide the masses and create conflict. They must think the liberal media is smarter than I do because I don’t think they could conceive of such a master plan much less implement it.  In rebuttal the liberal media claims that the right wing conservative media paints their own velvet Elvis picture of the news on behalf of conservatism and the Republican Party. So how do you know if what the media is reporting is truthful and accurate? You don’t and it isn’t. You need to do the work and find out for yourself what is right rather than who thinks they are right. By the way, I know that I am right on this. But don’t take my word for it. But I’m right anyway. The media hasn’t changed since the days of Washington, Adams and Jefferson. The media has always been courted by candidates and political partys alike and has always historically swayed one way or the other in it support and reporting.

                  It has been said that the truth lies somewhere between fact and fiction. I don’t see a lot of truthfulness coming out of Washington these days. People are trying spin a name on all of the bad karma that is affecting this country. Are we as a nation just having a bad year? Could we all be just having some bad luck? I don’t think so. Poor decisions accompanied by the urgency and foresight of a blind Koala bear were made by our elected leaders. Government spending is out of control and someone needs to take the national credit card and cut it in half before the Senators Gone Wild  video hits the market early next year. 

                Like I said people are trying to put a name on the horrible economy, a questionable fuel source for the future, terrorism, ongoing conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, unemployment and health care costs. I’ve been trying myself to come up with just one word that describes the current state of affairs and how to reverse it. The word I came up with is: Simplify. All of it. Your life, the government, foreign policy, banking, the markets, fuel consumption, everything.

                       When you get lost you go back to the last place that you remember before you took the wrong turn. We need to step back a little and remember what is important and how we became a great country in the first place. I know most people will probably argue that simplifying is a generalised and childlike response to a vortex of complex problems that someone like me couldn’t even begin to understand. I disagree, a word like “Change” which is the cornerstone of Obama’s campaign is a generalised response. Throwing a tantrum is a childlike response and everyone in the country with a fourth grade education should be able to understand how things work in Washington. I learned about our Government by one of the greatest institutions in our country. I still stand by the simple message of this song: I hope it moves you like it moves me.

I’m just a bill.
Yes, I’m only a bill.
And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.
Well, it’s a long, long journey
To the capital city.
It’s a long, long wait
While I’m sitting in committee,
But I know I’ll be a law some day
At least I hope and pray that I will
But today I am still just a bill.

I’m just a bill
Yes I’m only a bill,
And I got as far as Capitol Hill.
Well, now I’m stuck in committee
And I’ll sit here and wait
While a few key Congressmen discuss and debate
Whether they should let me be a law.
How I hope and pray that they will,
But today I am still just a bill.

I’m just a bill
Yes, I’m only a bill
And if they vote for me on Capitol Hill
Well, then I’m off to the White House
Where I’ll wait in a line
With a lot of other bills
For the president to sign
And if he signs me, then I’ll be a law.
How I hope and pray that he will,
But today I am still just a bill.
Courtesy of Schoolhouse Rock

Thoughts on a Wednesday Morning

Wednesday, October 22, 2008   

                     It wasn’t the phone ringing that woke me up. I had been up for hours working on some signs for my new academy. Only an emergency or insane person calls at 7AM and I wasn’t in the mood for either so I let the machine do it’s job. Besides I was working. Before I went downstairs to my workshop and fortress of solitude I noticed that the fog was laying heavy over the mountains like a frosted blanket. I walked outside and breathed in air that simply stated it was fall in northeastern Pennsylvania. The older you get the faster the seasons seem to pass. When I was a kid summer seemed to drag on longer than a slide show at a nursing home. Now it seems that every season passes onto the next with little or no warning or expectation.

                      For me the beginning of fall is always a time for introspection. I’m not sure what it is about the season but it always makes me feel vibrant and alive. The smell of fireplaces aimlessly drifting through the air on a cold morning reminds me of a simpler time and place. The more I hear people complaining about the economy and general state off the nation the more I want to be outside reminding myself of what I’m working for in the first place. In one way or another we’re always looking for answers for life’s endless accumulation of problems. Whether it’s money, relationships, work, or unfulfilled expectations everyday brings with it the challenge of solving something wrong in our lives. We’ve always been told it’s important to start everyday with a good breakfast. I believe that’s it’s also important to start every day by going outside and either enjoying nature,… or killing it if you’re a hunter. What can I say? Its Pennsylvania. They like to kill things here. But at least they do it outside. I hear mom’s yelling all the time in my neighborhood, “No killing in the house…go outside and kill”.

               I find that performing a morning chore outside stimulates my thought process and I begin analyzing what problems I have to solve and how I can positively go about solving at least some of them. My morning chores are usually where I get some of my ideas for these blogs. For instance this morning I restacked my woodpile and came up with the following ideas…some good for humanity, others just good for me. It’s my woodpile!

1. If economy doesn’t get better, get job with no chance for advancement and therefore no pressure.
2. Great idea for McCain slogan to cinch the victory “Vote for John McCain…If You were Running For President He’d Vote For You”
3. Watched as family of field mice scurried away to safety from under the woodpile and was instantly envious of their simple happy lives. Except the slow one. I stepped on him.
4. Continue to develop Tupperware Coffin idea. One hole, stack the whole family.
5. I’m going target shooting on Friday so I need to decide what guns to bring. Do I bring the GLOCK 23 which looks great with my black cargo pants and an orange sweater or do I bring the H & K  which compliments a gray turtleneck and khaki pants? I was going to bring the Beretta but I don’t have a nice pair of Italian slip ons so I’d just look ridiculous.
6. China just wants to kill children don’t they? First it was lead based paint on toys for American kids and now its tainted milk for their own children. We get it. You don’t like kids. How many kids can Brad and Angelina adopt? They can’t do it all by themselves. We all need to pitch in and get ourselves a cute little Chinese baby before the Chinese government kills them all. We’re going to go from “Gichie Gichie Goo” to “Gichie Gichie Goo Gai Pan” in just no time.  
7. While I’m out here cutting wood on a frosty morning basking in the glory of nature some rich Manahttan lawyer is watching his electric faux fireplace sipping imported coffee while waiting for his personal trainer to arrive. I wish I was him.   

Confusing Times for the Commoner Elite

                   The economy sucks. The upcoming election has been reduced to nothing more than a beauty pageant and people are genuinely worried about the future. I myself, well I’m more worried about the present. We are living in confusing times brought about by our desire of ownership and habitual quest of happiness through the accumulation of objects that either entertain us or make our lives easier. I hear people talking politics and the economy almost everywhere I go. Not the types who usually annoy others with their overstated views and attempted witty commentary (yeah, I mean me) but people I meet in the store, students, parents, friends, hikers, and one of my dogs. The level of involvement is staggering. Most of the people I’ve spoken with do not like either candidate. The general consensus is that it really doesn’t matter who wins because let’s face it folks the system has become a never-ending toilet flush that is draining the pockets of the American citizen and nobody cares whether it is McCain or Obama captaining the little Tidy Bowl boat.

                   Obama talks about “change”. If he is referring to what’s in my pocket than he’s correct but other than that it’s just a hollow word thrown about by politicians like pillows at a Condaleeza Rice slumber party to inspire people that they are the ones who can bring it about. I think Obama is right about change, but I don’t think he is the one to make it happen. McCain isn’t either. I am. You are. We all are. Waiting for a politician to actually make something happen in Washington is like waiting in line for a Latte at a Starbucks that went out of business six months ago.  I have said it before but our political system’s lack of forsight and action can be paraphrased into” what’s best for the party is more important than what’s best for the people and who is right is more important that what is right”.

                     So how do we bring about change? Well talking about it is a start but talk is cheap…actually it’s the only thing that is still cheap. Change begins with us personally and procrastination is not an option in these heartless times. Below are just some quick ideas on how you can affect change in your personal life that will trigger a better economy.

1. Don’t use the American Express card to Pay the VISA card to pay the MASTERCARD to pay the DISCOVER card to pay the American Express card.

2. Try to look on the bright side of things and stay optimistic. Think of forclosure as an opportunity to dump that tired old American Dream that has been weighing you down like a backpack full of bobcats and embrace the easy living of never having to work on the property again. Having the landlord upstairs could be lots of fun. MisterRoeper  always seemed like he was very nice.

3. Have a garage sale. Get rid of your crap by selling it to others so they can make it their crap. Buying and selling used items to each other stimulates the economy by keeping your money out if it. Bartering for services is also becoming more commonplace. My friend’s wife volunteers at a local swim club teaching lessons so that her daughter can train for free and she makes a few bucks as well.

4. Do without. Before you buy it ask yourself if you really need it of just want it. Learning to control your buying impulses can be difficult. I myself am an impulse buyer. If I see it and I want it, I buy it. I now have a lot of impulse crap for my garage sale.

5. Think of ways to to make extra income. For instance I recently heard an ad on the radio about selling Plasma where you can make as much as $200.00 per month. If you get a family of five together on board that’s an extra $1,000 per month plus you get to spend more time together as a family enjoying juice and a cookie twice a week.

6. If you have children fire the landscaper, pool man, driveway sealer, tree cutter, roofer and exterminator. Children are natural little workers when you make everything a game. For example raking the leaves was always one of my least favorite chores to do growing up but my dad always made it a game. The rules of the game were If I didn’t rake the leaves in a certain amount of time I couldn’t go out and play for the rest of the day. Looking back now It wasn’t much of a fun game but I always got it done in time. Having the family seal the driveway together can be lot’s of fun, especially if someone starts a hot tar fight.

7. Vote independent for Ralph Nader. I mean he’s run so many times…come on throw him a bone. At least let him debate with Barrack Obama and John McCain to see what he has to say. People may be surprised and a viable third candidate may be thrust upon the campaign scene. Or he could just be another nut in the jar.

8. Engage in activities that don’t cost money or you can actually utilize your past impulse purchases. Hiking, putting your boat in the water, using your ATV, Kayaking, lighting fires…bonfires I mean, board games, living room wrestling matches, etc.

                   I think it’s important that we now examine how we have lived our lives and take accountability for our excesses. Luxury is addicting and most of us have confused luxury for comfort. We are minimalistic by standards for survival yet feel as if we can’t live without our cell phones, cars, and televisions. These are confusing times that will require great personal insight for each of us to find where we will fit into this rapidly changing world where having too much may be your weakness and downfall.

Ranting Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day

               It’s been a while since my last blog. I’ve been working on a project which has taken me away from writing but now I’m back…with a vengeance! Their are so many things annoying me at this time I don’t even know where  to begin. I’ve been trying to write more diverse blogs but every once in a while you have to go back to your roots and rant like a psychotic ferret whose been poked continuously with a stick by his owner’s satanic chocolate-milk faced four-year old brother.

The Bailout

                            First off, the bailout for Wall Street. Not good. Not good at all. Forgive me since I possess the math skills of a imbecile but aren’t the guys on Wall Street supposed to be financial experts? And again, forgive my stupidity but isn’t the government running at a 9 billion dollar deficit? Okay, here is where I get lost but doesn’t it seem like we have Potsie helping Ralph Malph here? For years Wall Street brokerage firms run by notorious greed mongers have been quietly accumulating large repackaged mortgages in bulk like a soccer mom at a COSCO. Loans that were force fed through the system by praying on the weak by dangling the great American dream. The only problem is the great American dream came with a balloon payment and an adjustable rate mortgage. Usually money flows up the river and crap flows down. This reversal of fortune and crap perpetrated by the unpoliced elite caused a crash that has sent a ripple effect throughout financial markets worldwide. That’s a lot of crap…and this bailout package will give us all an opportunity to eat some.  

The Palin – Biden Debate

                 There was a debate? Last week? Oh yeah Palin versus Biden. Missed it. I was busy running my  business in this horrible economy. I’m so burnt out from watching campaign ads for the last two years that I actually look forward to the genital herpes ads. Pharmaceutical ads are cool too. I only wish they would tell you what the drug is for.They present you with this wonderful image of someone living life to it’s fullest in a convertible by the beach that makes your life look like a one-light trailer park by the 7-11 in comparison and then leave you hanging with that, “Ask you doctor about…” nonsense. I don’t care that side effects may include nausea, vomiting, sleeplessness, drowsiness, sneezing, loss of appetite, weight gain, erectile dysfunction, weight loss, hair loss, blindness, open sores, kidney and or liver failure, temporary or permanent loss of taste and smell, and temporary and or permanent loss of breathing…I want some!

                  Oh, yeah the debate. I missed it. My interest in politics is as strong as ever but my interest in this election is wavering. I don’t care for either candidate much and therefore find it difficult to sustain a prolonged interest in the race. I’ve said it before but I truly feel that the current system of government in this country is so stifled by party politics that neither candidate is strong enough to affect any real change. They will both inevitably, play ball. I haven’t seen any real change in government in my lifetime. I don’t see any statesmen of character like a Lincoln or Jefferson. Our history books in school haven’t changed much since I was a kid. I don’t hear any kids running home excited about learning about Bill Clinton and asking their mother what a humidor is for. Before anyone goes pointing the anarchy finger at me…hey wait, that was the middle finger. Not cool. I’m choosing to be politically indifferent at this time in order to affect change in my own little world. Who knows, some day I may emerge from my self imposed cocoon of political indifference as a bright new butterfly of hope for all mankind…but for right now the system is circling the drain and I’m swimming for the toilet seat.

The McCain – Obama Debate Last Night

                       Again, I’m not seeing much substance in these debates. Both candidates fielded questions in such a roundabout convoluted fashion that you had to really listen hard to find a legitimate answer squeak through somewhere. They both took opportunities to divert from desired answers to point out either their strengths or their adversary’s weaknesses. To me it seemed like a girl scout fight in a cookie factory with little swipes and scratches but nobody drawing any real blood. I’ve had tougher debates with six year-olds as to whether RAZZLES is a candy or a gum.

                 All of these politicians with hollow messages of hope and change are as interchangeable as my iPOD playlists and that is why the American voter is more frustrated than a choking victim at an armless vet convention. More and more Americans are becoming disinterested in politics, especially in a bad economy. It doesn’t make people feel warm and fuzzy to hear that Obama raised 30 million dollars in one month for advertising on television when most people can’t even pay their cable bill to watch the stupid ads.  

                  The best part of the debates are always when the camera pans to observe the facial reactions of the candidate when the other guy is speaking. They both smiled when they obviously disagreed with the other’s statement. No head nodding, rolling of the eyes, or contorting facial expressions like they smell dog poop on the bottom of their shoe. Just a cool calculated smile that said, ” You’re a damn liar. I never said that. I hope you die”.

                  I would personally like to see a “tag-team” debate with McCain and Palin versus Obama and Biden. The debate would be followed by a cage fighting match. I see Palin standing in the cage with a Stepford Wife blank look on her face but when the bell rings watch out for the Caribou fur to fly as she immediately goes for a takedown on Obama as Biden and McCain square off in the middle and thumb wrestle.

The Fall of The Mighty

                    Due to the current state of the economy a few of my more affluent friends are gradually slidng down the social banister into the burgeoning middle class. They are good people who lived well but weren’t the type to throw it in your face. They didn’t float around in their dollar sign shaped pool filled with Evian while the staff served them fruity drinks and melon slices…also shaped like dollars signs. They are hard working people who have done well for themselves but now find it necessary to downsize their lifestyle and make drastic changes. This is a time that truly challenges a family and tests it’s strength. Some people may feel a little vindicated when they see someone fall from a higher financial status than them. It helps with the excuse process i suppose. I personally don’t like to see someone that I know hit with hard times even if they have enjoyed the spoils of life for a long time. In times of need it is better to give someone a leg up than to cut a leg off. Better times are coming.

Peace out!