TV Evangelists: DJ Pastor and The Funky Bunch

                  TV Evangelists are all over the airwaves these days which is fine by me because in what the future will call the Dark Ages II we need these sobbing degenerates more than ever. The economy is lying in a ditch off Route 295 with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The rich are jobless, the middle class are homeless, and the homeless are laughing their dirty asses all the way to the soup kitchen. In the midst of all this anger and mistrust it’s comforting that we can all look to the best dressed of God’s Little Rascals to start the healing and ease the suffering.

                   There have been some tough times for the Lost Bible Boys in the past. When reminded of their scandoulous reputation they quickly pull the Catholic Priest sex scandal card and harshly throw it right in your face. They have a valid point since the Catholic Church was rocked by several major lawsuits in 2001 alleging that priests had sexually abused minors. Some priests resigned, others were defrocked or jailed, some received counseling and continued to preach from the sexual predator pulpit. Financial settlements totaling in hundreds of millions of dollars were made with many victims not to mention the dubious honor of having your church listed on the Meaghans Law website.   

                With techno-salvation just a TV remote click away, going to church has never been more convenient. No more dressing up in your Sunday best and dragging the family out the door to sit in a hot stuffy room on benches so uncomfortable you actually considered converting to Paganism a few times. Now you can lay on the couch in your Sunday best underwear drinking beer and eating nachos while you worship the lord until the football game comes on. 

                  Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church in Houston now occupies the arena previously home to the Houston Rockets. In 2007, Osteen reported spending nearly $30 million every year on its television ministry. You need an awful lot of donations to keep running that kind of circus. At some point you may feel a little guilty for getting the word of the lord for free and want to respond to the many calls for pledges.  Remember that it’s TV, they can’t see you. They’ll never know. Or will they?  If you want to play it safe send them a few bucks, after all these guys are spending hours in make-up to look great on the frontlines of the war against Satan on your behalf. We should all feel a litte safer knowing that they are there for us…living in mansions so beautiful they could be featured on MTV Cribs.