My View of the View

I knew that Laura Ingraham was going to be on The View yesterday so I made sure that I was properly sedated before tuning in to watch. I had never seen Laura on TV and was interested to see the face behind the mouth on live TV.  She clearly looked uncomfortable amongst the usual panel of mealy-mouthed make-up pheasants who rapidly segway from subjects like the war in Iraq to putting together the perfect little outfit for less than a hundred dollars. I find it hard to believe that the matriarch of this circus is the same Barbara Walters that once interviewed world leaders. For Barbara The View is just one step away from hosting a game show or fighting on Celebrity Boxing. The women on the panel constantly interrupt each other and talk over each other like they are in a high school cafa-gym-atorium while Barbara sits there like a Labradoodle puppy that just got spayed and is still coming out of anesthesia.

The only reason I could conjure up as to why Ingraham would even appear on The View was to hawk her new book “Power to the People” which I have not read but have bashed anyway in previous blogs. If you listen to her show you already know her politics and opinions which are the basic premise of the book. I just don’t want to give her any money. Whoopi Goldberg, the new addition to the panel since the hasty and heated departure of Rosie O’Donnel, immediately went after Ingraham about the origin of the title “Power to the People” stating that it had come from the Black Panther movement of the sixties. Ingraham defended her choice of the title by explaining that the title was referencing  what is on the minds of people in America’s heartland. Concerns over the pornificiation of our society, the negative images being broadcast to our children in every form of media, and poor representation in government. I’m not sure how Laura Ingraham knows what is on the minds of people in America’s heartland. I don’t even know where the heartland is in America. I was under the impression the any place in this country that you make your home is the heartland. Whether you grew up on a farm that produced crops for food or in a steel mill town where the industrial revolution boom began or in a upscale suburb in Connecticut like Laura Ingraham did known for trips to the Mall and beautifully landscaped lawns cared for by illegal Mexican workers.

Laura Ingraham has a plan to rid the planet of anything that she deems to be offensive… which is pretty much everything. The big plan? She wants everyone who is offended by what they see on television to call the station or write a letter and have them take the show off the air. She’s a regular Doctor Evil isn’t she? Ooops. I referenced a movie that she would find meaningless and full of crude humor and is therefore offensive. I thought it was hilarious and obviously my opinion does not reflect that of the heartland. I may need to move.

Okay, I’m going to break this down for Laura in a way that even she can grasp. (Please use a child’s voice in your head while reading the next few lines in order to really punch home the sarcasm aspect)If a show wasn’t popular people wouldn’t watch it and it would be taken off of the air. Shows stay on the air because advertisers know that a lot of people are watching them and will see their products. If the far right wing moral majority wants to see harmless wholesome entertainment than they should produce shows that depict that part of our culture. Of course it would have to be interesting and entertaining in order to capture an audience. I challenge anyone like Ingraham produce a show in a put-up-or-shut-up opportunity to reach out to the so-called heartland and give them what they want. Or what she says they want. Or just what she wants. The show would not have anything offensive in it at all. Here is a short list of banned words or images: Hillary Clinton, democrat, bitch, ho, the F word, the S word, the N word, any and all sexual references, half-shirts on women, body piercings, rap music, smoking, drinking, all religions except Roman Catholicism, neon lights, and tattoos.

You can’t stop the natural evolution of a society or culture. Is the world going to hell in a hand cart? Probably. But it’s been going there since the beginning of mankind. I’m sure the early Americans in 1789 didn’t think much of those crazy mixed up kids in 1805 with their shorter  knickers and round hats instead of the traditional triangle shape.  The line of what is normal, acceptable and decent in our culture has been blurred for good. Each person has the responsibility to choose how they want to live their life and ultimately what they want to stand for. Rememebr that every kind thought and every kind action gives new hope to the world…until global warming wipes us all out. 

MMAM (Mixed Martial Arts Misunderstood)

I was listening to The Bob Grant show on WABC Talk Radio last night and heard a few of the call in listeners speak out about mixed martial arts competition and specifically the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). Words like barbaric, senseless, and violent were throw at Bob Grant who has never even heard about this type of competition. He pledged to take a look at it and then give his opinion on a future show. I think I will give my opinion right now. It was nice that the so-called men who called in and bashed this type of combative competition took time away from their yoga and Pilate’s classes to discuss something they have never done. The physical male is rapidly becoming extinct in favor of the intellectual male. I see it in young boys, teenagers and grown men who are viewed as real men because they aren’t afraid to break down and cry.  

Most of the combative athletes participating in mixed martial arts competition are college educated, well spoken and articulate. They enjoy the competitive aspect of combining different fighting arts and styles into their own unique hybrid system. Competitions like the UFC allow them to test and hone their skills. Sure it can look violent to the untrained eye and cowering psuedointellectuals who called in to the radio show last night. This type of combative competition is not for dummies or thugs. It is a highly evolved form of combat training that requires the athletes have intelligence as well as physical ability. Knowledge of physics, geometry, kineseology, balance, weight distribution, angles, weak and vulnerable points of the body, and strategy are required. Speed, strength, and endurance are only a part of the training.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…so is violence. War is violent…so is The Animal Channel. The pencil pushing guy who went from being the last one picked for kickball in grade school to being shoved in a locker in high school and finally finding his own personal Nirvana sitting at a Starbucks with his laptop open because he has the physical confidence of a house plant watches the Animal Channel with his ten year old son. They watch as the beautiful Caribou’s eyes are still open as the fourth lioness bites into it’s hind quarter flesh pulling the graceful animal out of the river bank. Very intelligent indeed. Good wholesome family fun.

You take that same man and put him into a life or death situation where he may be called upon to “man up” to save his family and he will fold like a lawn chair into the fetal position after peeing in his pants and breaking down and crying. A combative athlete would come in handy right about now wouldn’t he? These are the same people who claim cops use unjustifiable force when apprehending dangerous criminals. That’s fine. The next time you’re being assaulted or your house is being broken into call a lawyer instead of 911. Or just use your intellectual prowess and deductive reasoning skills. Intelligence will always overcome strength and brutality right? Wrong. Back in the locker with you smart guy.

Teachers

I think teaching is one of the most noble professions in the world.  When someone decides to dedicate their life to teaching they are making a great sacrifice for their art. Teachers are artists. Their students are the canvas’s on which they paint with words, passion, visual stimulants and discipline. To teach means more than to lecture or explain before a classroom full of students. The best teachers influence their students more when they take the time to learn on a personal level the individual personalities and needs of each of their students. Teaching is a hands on profession, not a sideline job. Good teachers roll up their sleeves and get in the mud with their students. Mediocre teachers sit in the notorious teachers lounge and piss and moan about the “fact” that students are largely unmotivated, unwilling protein based lifeforms taking up their time and undermining some of their best performances. Again, taking time to get to know each student will help. Young students today are likely to be apprehensive about traditional classroom techniques such as paper and pencil work and “book learning”. They are often uncomfortable with formality. They are often lacking study skills. They are often struggling at home, with friendships, increasing responsibilities and their own perceived personal limitations. If any teacher expects all of that baggage to simply disappear during their forty-five minute class then they better be prepared to take it to the next level.

When I was a kid only the teachers with a fun and unique teaching style kept me interested. It wasn’t usually the subject matter, it was the presentation of the subject that sparked my interest. I was always horrible in math and to this day still remain just as bad as when I was in school. I never had a math teacher that made learning “his” subject interesting for me. To make things worse my freshman year of high school I sat next to a girl who’s chest had all of a sudden grown to epic proportions and needed to actually sit on her desk like two  Persian cats. I never had a chance. That year of math was a complete blur for me. Perhaps the right teacher could have kept my interest and I would not have spent so much time thinking about Mount Rushmore sitting next to me. Actually even a good teacher would have probably failed. Hey, I was fourteen. The teacher never had a chance either.

This brings me to the part where virtually every teacher reading this may cringe. I do not believe in tenure for teachers. I can not think of any job that guarantees lifetime employment for a bad or average job performance. Tenure almost carves in stone your job after only three to five years. After that as long as you don’t hit or molest a student your career is safe and sound. Mayor Bloomberg of New York City doesn’t believe in tenure either. Teachers with tenure fired for bad performances cost New York City over ten million dollars defending against lawsuits. Mayor Bloomberg wants to do away with the current tenure system and install a system where good teachers are rewarded financially for their performances and bad teachers are dismissed.

At the beginning of every new school year I hear many parents talking about their child’s new teacher. Some are happy and some are not. I’ve heard a few parents even say how they are looking forward to the teacher’s conference so that they can straighten the teacher out as to their unique little snowflake’s special needs. I would think that most teachers go and get drunk right after back to school night. Some even get drunk before. Some parents are indifferent about their child’s education and some are over involved to the point that the teacher is getting calls on a weekly basis.  Like I said, teaching is a noble profession and it takes a special person to do it. Good teachers are grossly underpaid and bad teachers are just slip-sliding through the system at the expense of their students. I could count on one hand the teachers who have greatly influenced my life. I have to count on one hand because none of them were math teachers.

Generation X

Isn’t it about time we get off generation X’s tattooed back? No wonder the Xers are angry and need a global navigation system to find their way home every day after working in the mall. They feel like all of America’s opportunities have passed them by. It’s like they got to the party late and all that’s left is a broken X-Box and a few cans of Red Bull. Okay, so that’s why they feel threatened, but why do we find them so threatening? We must be reminded that the single most important function of any generation is to annoy the crap out of the generation preceding it. Old timers don’t know anything. They listen to rap, pierce their tongues, and fall in love with the first person they meet online who compliments them on their deep, deep thoughts . The Xers fear the same thing we did at their age…change. They have yet to find out that life is like riding the bus, it requires change. They seek out nonconformity at every corner which isn’t difficult since it is being mass marketed by big business who seek the coveted X-dollar. They rush to MTV’s Real World auditions. Auditions? For the real world? Everyone is so busy playing for the camera’s that nobody is creating anything new. They suffer from generational performance anxiety because they are following the baby boomers who are constantly pounding their salad-bar chests about how great the seventies and eighties were. But now it’s 2007, the adjusted rate mortgage payment is due and Generation X has to pay the bill. Instead of casual dating they have precautionary dating. Instead of beads they have body piercing which in today’s competitive job market makes the statement, “what can I do to make myself even more unemployable”? The fashion sword is being wielded by clothing companies looking to cash in before Gen Y and Z take over and the trend goes from guy’s pants being so big they could hide a Labradoodle in them to paramilitary chic clothing that works both in the nightclub and on the battlefield of Irag. So, in the words of Lennon and McCartney I say” let it be”. The tattooed, pierced, gothic, lost souls of generation X will find their own way in their own time. Of course I wouldn’t turn my back on one of them, but that’s just me.

I Want it Plain!

I like my food plain. I don’t want your ketchup or catsup if you spell it like that. I don’t like mustard, relish, onions, oil, vinegar, and mayonnaise. Get your special sauce away from me and please call the manager. I should know better than to expect the voice of the underage illegal alien  coming through the Wendy’s sign I’m talking to through my car window in the rain to get my order right. A plain cheeseburger please. When I say plain I mean plain. A bun. A piece of mystery meat. A piece of cheese. A cholesterol monitoring device and I’m happy. I drive a half a mile down the road and I open my cheeseburger  wrapper and  take a bite. All of a sudden this foreign disgusting taste fills my mouth.  I open the car window and spit out the bite. I look at the sandwich and there it is…a pickle. Staring me right in the face. A baby Gurkin in all of it’s green glory. Did I mention plain? What word sounded like pickle to you?

When I mention my opposition to AFCA ( Automatic Food Condiment Application) people look at me like there’s something wrong with me. Has it come to the point that I actually have to beg for my food to be prepared plain? Do I actually throw a monkey wrench into the highly technical food assembly line at Burger King because I want my burger plain? It appears that I do. I feel that I must take drastic action to prevent people like myself who enjoy their food plain from becoming as old and extinct as the hot dogs served at 7-11. I am starting a new support group for people like me who want it plain. We will lobby in Washington and hopefully start the ball rolling on some legislative action to stop this insanity. With the new laws in place establishments like McDonalds will stop automatically putting ketchup, mustard, and a pickle on all of their burgers which by the way is what they consider to be plain. Can you believe it? Who does Mayor McCheese think he is?

If you wish to join PIGS (Plain Is Good Stuff), my new association to prevent the automatic dispensing of condiments on food please see Faith and she will sign you up. We will have our new PIGS T-shirts made as soon as possible.
Our slogan is: Hold The Sauce. I’m The Boss!

Quick Tips to avoid unauthorized condiment dispensing.
1. Never go out to eat. Stay home and really have it your
    way. PLAIN.
2. Avoid fast-food places like you’d avoid a slice of tomato
   on a perfectly good dry boring turkey sandwich.
3. If you do go to a fast food place never trust the person
   taking your order, the person filling your order, and the
   person actually handing you the food. Don’t trust the
   assistant manager either. He was promoted after a week
   of steady employment. Also, there is never actually a
   manager, just his assistant.
4. A grease pencil slash across the condiment picture on
   the burger wrapper designating that the burger does not
   contain that item is not to be believed.
5. Do not listen to those, “what’s the big deal, just scrape it
    off the burger and you’ll never even taste it” types. You
    will taste it. You know it was there. You can’t change the
    fact that a pickle touched your sandwich. The security
    of your burger has been compromised. Live and learn.

Conservative Radio Talk Show Host Laura Ingraham is Giving Conservatives a Bad Name

Conservative radio talk show host Laura Ingraham’s program airs every night from ten to midnight on WABC radio. That time slot used to be capably filled by John Batchelor until a few months ago when he was replaced by Ingraham who was on in an earlier time slot. Even though I found John Batchelor to be a bit dramatic and long-winded I became used to his style and was amazed at some of the guests he had on the show. Court TV’s attorney extraordinaire Ed Hayes, intelligence expert John Loftus, military leaders, terrorist leaders, respected journalists, politicians and foreign leaders.  All in all the show made the ride home less agonizing and a I always seemed to learn something. Often I would become engaged with my students or their parents in conversation and found myself intelligently repeating something I had heard on John Batchelor’s show.

Since Laura Ingraham was chosen to be on the air the same time as my drive home I was forced to choose between her and rap. I was familiar with her show having usually caught the last ten minutes or so when she was on before John Batchelor. She was intelligent and made some good points. She had a tendency to sound overly pious on certain issues and her distrust of democrats was always made obvious. In the past six months I have noticed that the show has become more low rent than conservative. I have noticed myself taking issue with many of the things said on the show. I have tried to call hundreds of times only to get a busy signal. Since I can’t express my feelings to her personally on the air I have opted to write this blog that you are hopefully still reading.

First off I find it offending when her and the Jerky Boys she has working for her attack someones appearance, their voice, or their intelligence. I have heard them make fun of everything from weight and hair to accent and clothing choices. It’s as if someone told them they were off the air and so they sit around and have these self absorbing conversations about something they read on the internet. I don’t see how making fun of a politicians weight or badly mimicking the speaker of the house’s voice is intelligent conservative radio. I’ve heard her rip women apart for trying to be too thin. Have you seen her picture? She’s a stick figure. And talk about hair. Is that a thirteen year old boys surfer hair cut she has going on there? Basically she has little room to talk about others in the appearance department. Hmm, she’s single isn’t she. Never married huh? Wonder why.  If you look at the pictures on her website you can see that her staff is not exactly boy band material either. Now that I think about it she looks like she could be in a boy band. She could be the “aren’t I mysterious because I’m endlessly moody” guy.

The constant sound effects mixed with the constant self praising sound bites mixed with the “Butt Monkey” scream make the show sound more like the Gong Show than a conservative radio talk show. Okay kids, put the sound toys down and sit in the glass booth quietly. Of course the show segways into her website at every possible moment. You are endlessly steered like cows to her website where for a fee you can join her insider’s club called “Laura 365″ which I think is how many days it’s been since her last date. I don’t know what you get for joining the club but If it’s more her than I’ll pass.

My last problem with the show is how much time she devotes to bashing others in her profession. Any journalist who disagrees with her is simply a left wing puppet for the media controlling democrats. I’m no fan of Hillary Clinton and would honestly consider moving to Canada if she were elected but she seems to have a personal vendetta against the former first lady. It’s as if she caught a glimpse of the Hillster in the shower in summer camp twenty years ago and can’t shake the feelings she had so she lashes out.  Ingraham is always talking about not giving people like anti war activist turned camera hog Cindy Sheehan a voice yet does just that with her usual routine of airing sound bites and then making fun of them. Cindy Sheehan should not even be a blip on anyone’s radar yet thanks to people like Laura Ingraham she will probably get a her own reality show by next fall. “Looking for America’s Next Activist” with host Cindy Sheehan. 

I would love to see WABC Radio bring back John Batchelor but I know that his show although intelligent and thought provoking was too dry. That apparently did not appeal to WABC’s nighttime listeners who seem to need monkey screams and fat jokes more than real news and intelligent opinion. I will continue to listen to Laura Ingraham due to a lack of credible choices and will also keep trying to call into her show.  The moment I get an iPOD…she’s done!

How About Some Positive Responsible Rap

Every place you go
everything you see
rap music influencing
every aspect of our society
not a day goes past
i don’t see some kid’s pants hanging off his ass
his cell phone ringing
his bling-bling clinging
around the neck he knew his father would be ringing
for not being in school
but it’s all cool
because this little fool
thinks a thug’s lifes the tool
to a fancy house
and a swimming pool
a brand new car
a shiny gold tooth
a big old boat complete with friends on board it
don’t worry because he can afford it
maybe in his dreams
if he truly believes gangsta life is everything it seems
let me break it down for you
it was 1983
I was at Sugarhill Records working security
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five on sight
the Fat Boys with Their Rapper’s Delight
I was there at the start
when rap had a heart
music with a beat
sounds of the street
people moving their feet
it was all pretty sweet
then suddenly rap changed
beats were rearranged
when gangs took the stage
and thugs grabbed the microphones
pumping violence and rage
guns on their videos
women degraded
cops they hated
gang bangers incarcerated
kids become infatuated
gangsta life is the ticket
join a gang and kick it
have a problem call your boyz
and together we will lick it
it was all right there
up in your face
rappers depicting themselves as gangsta’s
but is that really the case?
They dress like they came off right off the streets
but truth be told most came from middle class families
never deprived of anything
had birthday parties and even christmas trees
just like the guys from Public Enemy
who grew up in long island
in nice houses landscaped tastefully
what about IceT
the dreadlocked pimp wannabe
who wrote cop killer
but now plays one on TV
and sweet Lil’ Kim
she needs to hit the gym
or start dressing more like a lady
like the real slim shady
all five foot two
eyes of blue
a torture tatoo
who’s fooling who?
selling out is what these guys are really all about
no doubt
you need to open your eyes
see through the disguise
gangs, drugs and violence will only lead to your demise
the words they’re spilling
are just a bunch of lies
I’m tired of this crap
how about some positive rap
all that negativity
just doesn’t work for me
some responsible rap
is what I want to see
kids need heros
not another gangsta MC
the choice is yours
any star can crash
stop buying their music
stop giving them cash
stop calling their name
tell your friends to do the same
we control the game
for nobody is worse
than someone who spreads only hatred in their verse
it’s hard to sell hate without a microphone
without an audience you’re all alone.

Is Peaceful Conflict Resolution Being Over-taught in Martial Arts Schools?

Is Peaceful Conflict Resolution Being Over-taught to Kids in Martial Arts Schools Today?

It seems as though teaching peaceful conflict resolution skills in martial art’s schools has become as important if not more important than teaching physical self defense skills. This trend, although righteous in theory may be causing more damage than it is preventing. Are martial arts instructors spending too much valuable class time having their students practice verbal diffusion skills and non-physical defensive tactics? Many martial arts schools have all but abandoned teaching the real self defense skills that they were taught in favor of some type of “Bully Breaker” or “Bully Bouncer” program. Teaching young martial artists that they have “non-physical” options in dealing with bullies is a very good idea. Teaching these “non-physical” skills over martial arts skills that are physical is not a good idea. Usually when a student comes to my Academy with a bully problem they have already exhausted all of the peaceful conflict resolution tactics and are now desperate for some type of relief. They did not walk in my door to learn more witty phrases or to better understand the bullies deep rooted problems, they walked in because they have had enough and now they want to learn how to defend themselves. They want to learn how to justifiably fight back, and that is precisely what I teach them.

To better understand how teaching verbal peaceful conflict resolution skills may indeed be hurting our students, or at least confusing them we must first examine the dynamics of a conflict. A conflict is a state of opposition between persons, or ideas, or interests. It is basically a disagreement of two or more parties pertaining to a common interest. As of this writing there were over 20 significant armed conflicts worldwide with some dating back as far as 1948. Conflict has been around since the beginning of time. When peaceful conflict resolutions fail the next logical step has always been a military one. The word “martial” is befitting a warrior or relating to armed forces. Soldiers are taught both offensive and defensive tactics for one purpose, to destroy the enemy before he destroys them. Soldiers are not taught by their drill sergeants in boot-camp to meet the enemy and have a chat on the battlefield about how they can work this out peacefully. When a conflict has escalated into a fight only the best trained fighters will survive. While I understand that an all out war is quite different from a child being bullied, the dynamics of the conflict are the same. Or are they?

Let’s leave the battlefield and take a trip to the hallway of a local middle school. Jim, the infamous school bully has been targeting Jared, a smaller and unassuming kid who does his homework, keeps to his small circle of friends, and spends more time than he should avoiding Jim. Jared has no idea why Jim has picked him as this year’s unlucky recipient of his name calling, taunts, trips, and occasional all out poundings. Punches in the arm have become common hallway occurrences and a poorly timed trip to the bathroom could mean big trouble. The “lets-all-get-along” peaceful resolution gurus would say what we have here is a genuine conflict. This is where I gravely disagree. What we have here is a daily attack that needs to be defended against. Where is the conflict here? Is it that Jim wants to beat Jared up every day thereby conflicting with Jared’s desire to not get beaten up? When a student like Jared comes to my Academy I am going to do my best to give him the physical skills and confidence to defend himself and to fight back. If he already had those skills he would not be visiting my academy. I am not going to waste his valuable class time going over the same verbal diffusion skills that have already failed. I am not going to tell him to just avoid the bully because that has not worked. I am not going to tell him that fighting back is wrong and that he should not use his martial arts skills to fight because that is exactly what they are intended for. What I am going to do is give Jared what he came here for, solid reality based self defense skills because that is my job. I am not a debating team coach, or a UN delegate. I am a martial arts instructor and I am proud that I teach people to defend themselves. Martial arts instructors who have jumped on the conflict resolution bandwagon in favor of teaching real martial arts skills may be adding to their student’s confusion when it comes to a real self defense situation. Students should be taught what a conflict is and what an attack is so that they may be prepared for either should the need arise. Too often in life people mistake kindness for weakness and sometimes you need to set them straight.